margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
