I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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