i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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