my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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