Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
