I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
