i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
