What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
