Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize