you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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