why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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