I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
