The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
