I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
