Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
