question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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