Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
