Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
