My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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