Me too!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
