The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
