toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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