omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
