I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
