I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
and she was petting her beer can
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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