Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
