If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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