I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
