i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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