We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
