So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
