How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
