I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
