She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
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We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
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You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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