i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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