well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just had sex on a roof
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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