all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life