He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"