After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
