do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
