You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
