She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Everything about him screamed your future.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
