i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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