This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize