Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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