@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Floor bacon is actually really good
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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