3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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