i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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