On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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