Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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