things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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