We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
