ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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