You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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