the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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