did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
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She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
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Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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