trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
