i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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