I have demons in me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
