I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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