His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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