the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
