I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize