dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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