she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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