Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
