All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
