Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
